This post is in response to, or more accurately an expansion on, a post that Regina Martin put up on social media. This makes no sense without that, so I am recreating Regina’s post here (complete with the photo she used from Happier Life Live) to give you the context…

(photo credit to Anna Hardy Photography)

Back in April I told a room packed full of white women that they were the problem. That for many of us from marginalised communities they were dangerous.

I reminded them that they were responsible for the recent supreme court ruling.

I told them that when they clutch their handbag as my 14 yr old walks towards them, I clutch my son!

I asked them to own their privilege and use it for good.

Nobody walked out.
In fact their ears perked up.

Now, in the interests of being transparent this wasn’t my whole talk. I was there to talk about how we as business owners need to look beyond inclusivity and come back to heart.

But my point is after my talk nobody shouted “not all white women”.

Nobody minimised my experience.

Nobody told me I was overreacting or being divisive.

They listened. They asked questions. They asked me how to do better.

I didn’t have all the answers but I gave them space and they did me.

Now I do have to shout out Helen Calvert for creating such a warm and welcoming community of people who are open to learn.

That’s all we ask of you. Be open to learn. Listen to us when we tell you we’ve been wronged.

Take the hit when we tell you your behaviour is fuckery.

And don’t ever tell us how we feel is wrong because your nephew/neighbour/local shopkeeper allows you to be a prick!

Yall are so quick to call out communities to fix what you see is wrong. Now we’re asking you to do the same.

We know it’s not all white women, that response is giving peak “not all men”. And yet we still expect the men to fix their own back yard.

As my throat chakra gets stronger I’m having to be more choosy about where I place myself because you aren’t all safe for us marginalised folk.

I need you to look inward to see why that is.

You’re the reason the NETwork exists.

We’re creating safer spaces for us to thrive despite our marginalisation. A space where you’re heard and held by those willing to learn.

If that’s you come and join us.

If it’s not. Suck your mom!

And finally please don’t come into my DMs with your racist bullshit. Because I will tell you about the underneath of your whole maternal line. And then you’ll be outed!

Love and light 🫶🏿
White Witch Hunter in Chief!
Regina Martin

(photo credit to Anna Hardy Photography)

One person responded to Regina’s amazing post saying that I have “pure boss B*tch energy” which I am tempted to put on a t-shirt, bumper sticker, decal in my house… Made my day!

My thoughts on Regina’s words…

Reality check: I have been the fragile white woman. I have fumed about being called “fragile” while struggling with the things that marginalised women were telling me.

I was in my thirties when I first learned about these issues. If that ain’t privilege I don’t know what is. Sure, I knew about racism before then. But the things that go deeper than football hooligans using racist slurs? The tangled roots of how racism and privilege knot us all together in toxic undergrowth? I had no idea.

I am far less interested in the issues than I am in creating space for meaningful conversations. Not because I’m ambivalent – believe me I have my opinions! But because other people are way better at articulating those than I am.

My strength is in creating emotional safety, the prerequisite to meaningful conversations taking place.

The bittersweet nature of reading Regina’s post whilst simultaneously receiving texts from my son who is fast learning a very different conversational style from his Daddy was not lost on me. What we can do professionally doesn’t always translate into our homes…

Underneath every conversation that goes bad is fear. Of not being heard, of being misunderstood. Of being expected to make changes to ourselves and our lives that do not feel safe. Of abandonment, of shame. And all of our unique and personal triggers which each and every one of us has.

Add in some neurodivergence, a bit of RSD, a bit of black & white thinking and a strong sense of justice… These conversations can be 💣

The conversation that goes bad is the first conversation on the path to understanding. There are people who set me on the road to who I am now, who will have written me off as a privileged clueless tit.

Learning is a hard f*cking journey.

To have got to a place where I could help 90 white women and one Trump supporting man* feel safe enough to not only listen to Regina but to *hear* Regina. And be inspired by her, and energised and motivated, or at the very least be more curious and willing to learn… Not gonna lie, I am SO DAMN PROUD.

Underpinning everything I do is a desire to create emotional safety for myself and others. Because once we are emotionally safe the MAGIC can happen.

If someone telling you their lived experience brings up big negative feelings in you, those feelings are valid. But the next step is not to vomit them onto the internet. The next step is to take that fear somewhere else and work on it (with me if you like 😉). Then come back from a place of safety to share *your* lived experience. And that is how we come together, and start to slowly untangle those roots.

* that Trump supporting man is my boyfriend. The best damn man I have ever had the utter delight to be loved by. If you cannot understand how together we have created the safest relationship within which we can hold space for each other and *learn* and *grow* together, then it might be time you came to work with me to find out what true emotional safety is all about.

Helen Calvert
The No Bullsh*t Coach
June 2025